the donkey punch

As sometimes occurs, I am spending this day in airports across our fruity plains and I can’t help but ruminate on these times in which we live, where liberals parade as conservatives, gays appear as straights. It is fantasgomorraic.

During the critical discussion of Mr. Larry Craig, Idaho’s openly gay Senator, last night on Larry King Lies, King zinged faggot sexpert Dr. Drew with one of Chris Matthews’ patented “hardball” questions (and in a sign of the times, doesn’t that sound a little gay itself? Where’s that Islamofascist from Nightline when you need him?). The exchange follows, direct from the transcript:

KING: Dr. Pinsky, why men’s rooms?

PINSKY: (laughs) Why men’s rooms?

KING: Is that because it’s a safe kind of cover?

PINSKY: Yes, it’s an anonymous behavior. There’s a ritual element to it. I mean they tend to be public spaces where people can sort of hide away and sometimes can be quiet. I mean parks are sort of the characteristic place for it. I don’t know about airports. I wasn’t aware that airports were a very commonplace (INAUDIBLE) because there’s plenty of traffic.

So, yes, now not even the bathroom is safe. No longer is my shitastic throne a fortress of solitude.

No, now these faggots have infiltrated even this bastion of pussyfucking and I can no longer poop in peace, let alone hold my penis in my right hand and stare at boogers on the wall above the urinal without thinking, “What’s that queer to my left looking at? Why does he keep tapping his fairy feet like that?”

What is the world cumming to? When will these liberals stop? They disgust me with their semen swapping and their “I don’t care if I burn in hell attitude.”

Butt here’s The Donkey Punch:

Liberals can rejoice in this debacle of hypocrisy all they like but they’ll just cum out as cruel and unusual.

Treat this like it is: a known fact. Republicans make good faggots, too. Given the way they insist on dressing, obviously a good percentage of them must be a little light in the loafers. You can’t put that many douchebags in dock shoes and not expect any number of them to occassion the airport glory hole.

And if it’s a known fact then it’s like, oh, gravity. We don’t sit around marveling at gravity, do we?

We don’t waste precious time discussing gravity instead of subject of more gravitas, like Owen Wilson’s suicide attempt or, hmm, that insane war in Iraq.

So please, Liberals, get off your sloganeering ass and say something that means… something.

And let the queers of all parties party like queers who fear no evil. Otherwise, you liberals will burn in hell right fucking next to them.

If you’re not doomed to it already. You shitheads. (I mean you, Carville.)