the donkey punch

Alright, now we are talking. Finally after a three month cooling off period since the primaries our two candidates for governor are back subsidizing the local television industry. I have to say I could not be more happy. Usually commercials that are produced within the state suck. Some old asshole yelling about furniture or some fat guys and a Latino playing poker talking about how North Broadway Auto is more than willing to completely ream you by giving you a car and then breaking your legs when you cannot pay them.

Nice lighting, good sound and a well scouted location; that is what I look for in a good commercial.

Now, lets get to the Sucker Punch.
— F, the governor – is on a tour of casino towns, and he is bringing us along; thanks F. In a well thought out campaign strategy he is talking about what he is not doing, the best part is he is not doing something that has not been done. And I have a feeling – F, the governor – is going to F himself and his own unhappy ending.However, I think casino gambling could work well for the state, we just need to hop on the MIRAPEX bandwagon. MIRAPEX is a drug made by Boehringer Ingelheim Pharmaceuticals. It helps people with restless legs. The reason I bring this up and the reason Boehringer Ingelheim Pharmaceuticals can help the future of Kentucky is stated on their web page.

Here is what I mean:
“There have been reports of patients taking certain medications to treat Parkinson’s disease
or RLS, including MIRAPEX, that have reported problems with gambling, compulsive eating,
and increased sex drive…”

So if we just make this a drug that can be abused, perhaps infuse it with some Oxycotin (possible name oxymirapexin) to insure its addictive properties. This will help the Commonwealth in many ways.

We can insure the casinos will make money, people will get fatter, and the restless legs will finally find rest.

Then — and this is the important part — we can then use the increased gambling revenue to build higher education trade schools in underprivileged areas that focus solely on training and educating lawyers in the field of fucking pharmaceutical companies. Thereby we provide real world skills that provide good paying jobs in rural areas pulling these areas out of being uneducated and poor.

F, the Governor: You are a poor resemblance of a person. I could give two shits about gambling and there is no way you are going to make me care, even with your good lighting and well scripted unhappy ending.

B, the opponent: If you allow F, the Governor to control the dialog you can fall into the same grave as flip-flop.

Kiss my ass, I want health insurance.

Take that SUCKER PUNCH

Don’t know if you all missed this, but the Iraq war is going really well.

It’s going so great, those stupid Democrats are freaking out…

Aware of the trouble Iraqi progress could mean for Democrats at home — House Whip James Clyburn recently said if the surge were successful, it would be “a real problem for us” — a revised set of talking points is being worked up by Democrats that declares the escalation of troops in Iraq has not been successful despite White House claims otherwise.

That’s right, fuckers! Those Donkies lie about everything! Want proof? Look no further than The Old Gray Bitch, where the warnings of the FOX News report are played out to a D:

A stark assessment released today by the nation’s intelligence agencies depicts a paralyzed Iraqi government unable to take advantage of the security gains achieved by the thousands of extra American troops dispatched to the country this year.

The Democrats have gotten so good at planting stories in the press, they’d make that old bat Judy Miller blush. Like this one about lovable old Republican Senator John Warner and how he’s now against the war:

Vulnerable Republicans have been desperately searching for middle ground on Iraq, and Sen. John Warner, the senior senator from Virginia, may have just given them political cover.

Warner on Thursday called for a partial withdrawal of troops from Iraq, saying 5,000 soldiers should come home by Christmas.

Lies! I mean, really, who believes this shit?

One need look no further than the evidence… I mean, the surge is going so fucking great that all the insurgents are fleeing Iraq cause they’re little bitches who can’t take the heat.

And when all the insurgents flee, well, violence is reduced and Iraq becomes a safer place. Don’t take my word for it, because I’m not nearly as smart as the National Security Estimate, and they’ve got this issue nailed like a 14 year old in Mary Kay Letourneau’s class:

Where population displacements have led to significant sectarian separation, conflict levels have diminished to some extent because warring communities find it more difficult to penetrate communal enclaves.

Hear that? Peace in our time! Suck it!

But that’s not all, folks: Iraq’s economy is getting a real push thanks to the redemptive power of global capitalism and the powerful march of freedom is enjoying a healthy open, democratic debate that all Iraqis are proud to take part in.

With everything going swimmingly in Baghdad, that plastic-eyed bitch Nancy Pelosi is playing footsie with irrelevancy. You see, David Petraeus, US General in Iraq, is supposed to tell the Congress all this good news, but Miss Pelosi’s pissed because he’s scheduled for September 11th.

Yeah. That 9/11.

Apparently, Pelosi thinks this conflates the war with that sacred day. And here’s The Donkey Punch:

If the Democrats had balls, they’d be more than happy to discuss the progress of the Iraq war on 9/11. Because conflating the two already happened and it can’t fucking be undone, no matter how much those ballless Donkies might wish otherwise. It’s almost astonishing how much these idiots hate America, our troops and our Founding Fathers. It’s like, save the country or go to the Home Depot, buy something from China, and shut the fuck up.

I mean, you, Pelosi.

The piece of shit Republicans used to call their “Speaker of the House” is hitting the fan and blowing out of town. Congressman Denny Hastert (E-Il.) is quitting.

One of those conservative whorehouses has the rest of the story:

As to why Hastert would call it quits so early and trigger a special election that Republicans might well lose — and thus cause them considerable embarrassment in a presidential year — one source told me this morning: “Denny is just fed up with Congress. He can’t stand it being in the minority after being the longest-serving Republican speaker in history.”

Yeah. Sure does suck to lose. Guess it’s time to pack up and head home before you get your legs or head blown off by those voracious, uncompromising Democrats.

Denny will best be remembered by the ten people who give two shits as that guy who sat around jerking Congressman Foley off while Foley was chatting with teenage boys on the internet.

If you’d like to bore yourself to death rather than do anything constructive, join the discussion with those queers over at ‘Kos — they’re really getting to bottom of this one.

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Now playing: Grateful Dead - U. S. Blues.